I’m really struggling with it.

I find myself here again – a place both breathtaking and all-too-familiar. I’m finding it harder to function on a daily basis.

I am at a loss as to what to do. On the one hand, I can tell myself that this will pass, as it has before. That makes it the same old drill.

But I am sick and tired of the same old drill. I am scared. I worried about my ability to go on in this world. I am afraid that I won’t know what to do. I am not at 100% and that compounds things.

This time, the feelings are much stronger – more “fight-or-flight” instincts are kicking in. That’s very hard to balance.

It seems to be that I never have enough time for me.

I’m so tired of this. I want it to end…now.

Now it’s Thursday afternoon – Halloween. I’m still exhausted. That’s all I seem to do – is complain…(just an observation)…I don’t know what to do. It’s like my brain has come off of it’s mounting bolts.

I’m not sure if I matter in the world any more. I certainly don’t feel relevant. Nobody gives a shit if I’m here or not. Nobody gives a shit if I’m here or not. The world has used me up – consumed me. Is that it?

I don’t feel like I have any more to give. Thus, I am redundant and a waste of space. Is that true?

God help me.