What happened to me?

This bucolic image of what a Christmas holiday is has never seemed to connect with me. Sure, from my earliest formative years, my parents tried to set in us an appreciation for the old standards – Santa, presents Christmas morning, stockings full of gifts and treats, family time together, Christmas meal…but there was never, really any connection on a personal level. It’s felt as if they’d never really bought in to is and were just going through the motions. Now, all these years later, what we do try to hold on to seems forced. And I find that profoundly sad.

I really don’t know what to believe in. I travel continually between the light and the darkness with more frequency. The world is pulling itself apart at the seams. People are separating themselves from others. Isolationism is becoming a preferred choice of some. But, detaching from society is a dangerous precedent to set – to put others out of your life only can accomplish an “out-of-sight/out-of-mind” existence that will come back to haunt you. Believe me, I know what I am talking about.

I feel as though I’ve lost friends over the past few years for any one (or combination of) the following reasons –

• My personality;
• My unvarnished liberal political views;
• My expression of those views in social media;
• The stigma of my career path (since the 2008 economic collapse):
• My social status (or lack of it);
• My swearing;
• My educational background;
• My opinions;
• My depression;
• …and so on.

And, by lost I don’t mean they’ve told me to get lost. I feel as though I’ve lost them because they’ve drifted out of my life with less frequent contact or communication. There is nothing that draws us together any more. I’m as guilty as they are – I accept that. But, deep down, I blame the social media/digital age for the widening of that “humanity chasm.” It has made us much more lazy and much less focused on interpersonal engagement.

I feel like I am turning more and more into a grumpy old guy, who yells at the neighborhood kids to “get off my lawn.” Who retreats into his shell rather than confront and interact with a rapidly changing society. One whose heart breaks remembering the “old days” of the ’80’s and ’90’s, when people actually had conversations face-to-face and interacted with each other. Who, one day, will depart the world alone and become a footnote in someones email feed.

If you do have family close, you are truly blessed. Keep them close, especially this time of year. Keep those traditions alive to the best of your abilities.

And, during the rest of the year, know that the people who’s life you’ve touched with yours are thinking of you – and missing you.

Peace.