Ever have that feeling?

We all have, at one time or another.

You walk into a grocery store after getting off work. There is a huge crowd at the check-out. You think “That sucks. I’ll be out of here just as soon as I grab….some…a…uhhh…”

Your mind is a complete blank.

It happens. We’re all on information overload on a fairly constant basis these days.

I’m talking about a whole other level of “overload” that I’m feeling lately.

The kind of feeling that crushes the breath out of you when you even consider the amount of work that needs to be done. At least, that’s how it is affecting me. Raised blood pressure, panic, frustrations, anger…you name it. And I have no idea why. I wasn’t like this before – what could have possibly changed to give me these feelings?

My mind goes blank. I can’t focus on anything. I feel…defeated. Even before I have done anything, I think less of myself and my efforts and I feel…old.

For me, I know all of the self-help gurus and the philosophical approaches to take in addressing this negativity and wiping it from my life. I’ve done them. And I’ll likely use them again.

But the last 4+ years have exacted a toll from all of us – at least it has from me. The energy and optimism that was stored in my soul has been depleted. I don’t know how much of it I have left to support my own existence, let alone replenish myself to continue. And that doesn’t even start to consider what I, as a human being, need to do (or am expected to do) to maintain my place in society today.

When someone tells me “happiness is a choice,” it makes me sad. Don’t you think I know that? What makes you think that everyone has the energy and spirit to just flip a switch and be happy? You have no concept of what I’ve been through and what my life is like right now. I guess ignorance is still bliss for some.

We have a world that has an incredible amount of information available to the world immediately – day or night. Much as television did, “smart” phones hold the attention of most of the worlds population on a daily basis. We’ve been assimilated into a world of immediate information and entertainment gratification.

And what has that gotten us? A high-speed lifestyle with little human interaction and contact. And it has wrought a scourge on our society of soft-brained simpletons that used to be hypnotized by their 80″ flat-screen televisions, who are now worshipping their phones through which all of the made-up bullshit that can be created is focused at making these people afraid of everything and telling who’s to blame for their lot in life. Personal accountability is gone. Morality is a tool. Humanity is a sign of weakness. Kindness is non-existent. It’s Us vs Them. I am right and you are wrong – period.

I am living a meager existence in the ability to rebuild my own soul. There is not much energy to draw from. But I have asked many questions of the universe every day over the past 4+ years that I am still waiting for answers to. Why is this happening? What good can come from this? What does this mean? What am I supposed to do?

And the one that underlies them all:

Why am I here?