What is happening to me?

Why does my mindset change so drastically when I lease expect or need it to?

I was going through my Saturday, when I was struck by such a profound sense of sadness that it felt like someone turned off the lights and I was sitting alone in the cold, dark world. I’ve had that feeling happen to me before, but each time it seems to be more of a shock to my being than the time before.

I feel as if nobody likes me or wants me around.

Like I have no place where I really “belong.”

Nobody gives a sh*t.

I am filled with an empty darkness that envelops my spirit.

I don’t know how to move, let alone which direction to go in the blackness.

I find myself starting to curse God, but then realizing that this is all my fault.

Then I curse myself for getting into this to begin with. My self-anger continues to well up inside of me, building on this mountain of self-hatred, the fight-or-flight instinct builds until…

I literally feel my spirit break.

I suddenly cut myself loose from the rest of humanity – casting myself adrift in the greater expanse of the universe. The flood of reasons drench me like a waterfall…

People never learn.

When did “intelligence” become a dirty word?

Where has humanity gone?

Why do some people take from others what is not theirs?

How are we supposed to grow a society when it is built on shaming others into action? Even retroactively, it does nothing more than to put one group above another when we are all part of the same race inhabiting our fragile planet.

If life is such a miracle, then why does it have to be legislated? Everyone’s body is their own business.

We all deserve basic human respect and consideration. So, why are we killing each other in ever-increasing numbers in the name of preserving the “rights” to own the machines that kill?

When we all are deserving of intaking the foods of the Earth’s bounty, breathing the same air, drinking the same water -why do we constantly act in a manner that kills the very planet we share?

If nobody gives a sh*t – then why should I?

The emotional build-up inside me is sated – allowing me to breathe for a few peaceful moments. It is quickly replaced by the sadness for the family and loved ones I leave behind.

Then I am yanked back to the same harsh and painful reality I just left – and nothing has changed.

The cycle starts again…