Author Archives: vftc11

A Beginning? Or, an End?

Posted on August 26, 2025 by vftc11

I find myself wrestling with more and more each day. It feels like I am going up and down in the water, with every down pulling me further and further under to drown in the darkness before I am done. … Continue reading →

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Darkness Comes Again

Posted on January 6, 2024 by vftc11

In my exhaustion, I lose my ability to make sense of what I am. Why am I supposed to have all of the answers to life’s questions? My wife seems to think so. She gets pissed off and angry if … Continue reading →

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Running Out Of Time

Posted on March 14, 2023 by vftc11

I am another year older. I am always tired (it seems.) People are thinking “what good is this guy?” They think I am useless. I don’t fucking matter anymore. Why am I even trying? What good am I to the … Continue reading →

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Fear

Posted on February 9, 2023 by vftc11

I am writing this out of pure, unadulterated, chest-clenching fright. I can’t think of what else to do. My mind is not helping me. My heart is a dark and sad place. My soul is a tired and empty shell … Continue reading →

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Feelings

Posted on November 10, 2022 by vftc11

Are we still allowed to have them? Do feelings = emotions? Are they supposed to hurt this much? Am I supposed to respect the feelings of others? If so, why? Are we entitled to that same degree of respect from … Continue reading →

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Observation the Final

Posted on November 10, 2022 by vftc11

I can’t do this anymore.

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Observations 2

Posted on October 24, 2022 by vftc11

What is happening to me? Why does my mindset change so drastically when I lease expect or need it to? I was going through my Saturday, when I was struck by such a profound sense of sadness that it felt … Continue reading →

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Observation 9/21/22

Posted on September 21, 2022 by vftc11

Why do others demands on my time always seem to usurp my own? Do you feel that way? Or, is it just me? And, when I stand up for myself to address my needs first, people feel offended. What’s up … Continue reading →

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Observations

Posted on September 10, 2022 by vftc11

The complexities we accept into our lives from the world around us today feels like another pebble being shoveled in on top of me, burying my true self and causing my being to change. Too many of us have allowed … Continue reading →

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Stops and Starts

Posted on March 10, 2022 by vftc11

It’s been a while since I’ve last posted anything. When I logged back in, I noticed that I had a couple of things still “in process” that go back to mid last year. I feel a bit of frustration when … Continue reading →

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