Category Archives: Miscellaneous Musings

A Beginning? Or, an End?

Posted on August 26, 2025 by vftc11

I find myself wrestling with more and more each day. It feels like I am going up and down in the water, with every down pulling me further and further under to drown in the darkness before I am done. … Continue reading →

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Darkness Comes Again

Posted on January 6, 2024 by vftc11

In my exhaustion, I lose my ability to make sense of what I am. Why am I supposed to have all of the answers to life’s questions? My wife seems to think so. She gets pissed off and angry if … Continue reading →

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Running Out Of Time

Posted on March 14, 2023 by vftc11

I am another year older. I am always tired (it seems.) People are thinking “what good is this guy?” They think I am useless. I don’t fucking matter anymore. Why am I even trying? What good am I to the … Continue reading →

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Fear

Posted on February 9, 2023 by vftc11

I am writing this out of pure, unadulterated, chest-clenching fright. I can’t think of what else to do. My mind is not helping me. My heart is a dark and sad place. My soul is a tired and empty shell … Continue reading →

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Observation the Final

Posted on November 10, 2022 by vftc11

I can’t do this anymore.

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Observations 2

Posted on October 24, 2022 by vftc11

What is happening to me? Why does my mindset change so drastically when I lease expect or need it to? I was going through my Saturday, when I was struck by such a profound sense of sadness that it felt … Continue reading →

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Stops and Starts

Posted on March 10, 2022 by vftc11

It’s been a while since I’ve last posted anything. When I logged back in, I noticed that I had a couple of things still “in process” that go back to mid last year. I feel a bit of frustration when … Continue reading →

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I can’t take much more of this sh*t

Posted on August 30, 2021 by vftc11

I’ve tried hard to be a good person. A supportive husband. We’re coming up on 31 years of marriage. I have little strength left to deal with the world and the way things are. It takes so much out of … Continue reading →

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I Forgot Why I’m Here

Posted on May 11, 2021 by vftc11

Ever have that feeling? We all have, at one time or another. You walk into a grocery store after getting off work. There is a huge crowd at the check-out. You think “That sucks. I’ll be out of here just … Continue reading →

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Have You Ever…

Posted on April 5, 2021 by vftc11

Have you ever felt such a sense of emptiness and darkness that you had no idea what to do? Your pulse races… …the pit drops out from your stomach… …your breathing is rapid… …your mind can’t focus… …your hands shake… … Continue reading →

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