viewfromthecurb

Slammed at work the past week or so.

Does anyone else trust doctors? I really don’t – I find it difficult to believe that they have our best interests at heart. And they never think of you as an individual human being – I don’t care what anyone says. When you leave the profit margin in the practice of medicine, humanity dissolves.

Had a regular check up appointment with my rheumatologist yesterday. Easy enough – except for a couple of things…

• I saw my weight at check in.
• MY BP was high – again. He offered to prescribe BP meds. He told me that I had five or six risk factors for heart issues.

Besides turning another year older, that pretty much took the wind out of my sails for the day.

Maybe for the week.

It’s given me pause for deep thoughts about the layouts.

More later…

It seems I’m always complaining about something.

It’s a hard habit to change.

Especially when you are as physically exhausted as I am.

The world can be a frightening place, when your guard is down, and your defenses are weakened.

I’m like anyone else, I am in need of human contact and interaction.

I am also in need of a lot of sleep.

I really don’t know how I’m going to make it through today. It was tough enough yesterday. I’m afraid all I have right now, is the caffeine and loud music in my headphones to keep my brain semi-functional. Maybe I’ll try to get outside for a breath of the cold air.

Daylight savings time has started – but the clouds and rain make it look like nothing has changed…much. I can still feel the darkness closing in around me.

Sorry to be complaining again…

Time is a commodity that we all have a finite amount of. What we do with that time is how we are graded in the school of life.

Am I the only one who has sporadic episodes of anger and frustration at my “classroom performance”?

Everyone (unless you are a mutant) has had the occasion where some distant, obscure and highly embarrassing failure in your past suddenly pops up in your mind with all of the fanfare of the red carpet at the Oscars.

While many of us can shake it off, there are people that deal with that inner critic  on almost everything they do. Once that critic has voice, it’s very difficult to silence it.  At least I haven’t found a way to do it. Not one that’s easy, anyway.

And when we now find ourselves in a world where the lack of mindfulness and intelligence are in front of you every direction you turn, I find my inner a**hole turning outward. It’s becoming more reflexive and draining every time it happens.

We men want to “fix” things right then and there. But we don’t. We hold it inside, like we’ve been taught. We might cuss and yell, but that’s about it. Only those with no self-control will strike out physically. Real men will hold it together.

But it’s always at a cost.

What I find takes the wind out of my sails, is that once you see how far we (as a society) haven’t come…once you see the scale of the stupidity and lack of intelligence that permeates this country…once you see that the world you thought you knew was a fallacy, it’s very disheartening.

And frustrating.

And depressing.

And all I want to know is…when will it be over?

Why does there have to be blame assigned to everything in the world? Some people waste their entire life blaming others for their shortcomings. And many more people (especially today) use blame to diminish others for their own selfish gains without a shred of factual proof. They want to find someone to be a scapegoat, and they’ll expend every effort and resource they have to make it so.

Why?

What possible good can this do?

People get on the hunt for someone to hang blame on – some people will even blame themselves – for something so trivial and put themselves through such pain and aguish. And still the problem or issue remains unsolved. I have a very low tolerance for seeing someone going through that. Such self-inflicted suffering can only be (IMHO) due to abusive parenting and irresponsible people who are not mature enough to take accountability for their own actions.

We are all human. We will all make mistakes – that’s just the way life is. We can do nothing more than our level best at any one time. And we should always consider that we are 100% responsible for where we are in life. We should recognize that everyone is fighting a different battle that we know nothing about.

Be kind.

Be considerate.

Elevate the humanity in every interaction.

Peace.